Kolehiyala

Do I ever have to explain everything about myself to you? Why should guys like me have to explain why I chose to live this kind of life? I don’t care of what you think and dsy about me. Just let me be and leave me alone.

All I wanted for you to do is accept the fact that I’m s fag and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

I hate it when someone says that they’re right about me as if I’ve been hiding or something. To tell you the truth, I’m no hiding anything from you. I’ve been like this since I learned how o play my sister’s Barbie doll. I’ve been like this since I started watching the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant with my mom and sisters. I’ve been like this since I imitate models to the tune of rhythm of the night.

You don’t know me that well. I don’t see you as a long time friend that’s why I didn’t tell you straight forward about the real me. We have different tastes. I’m a different person from the day we first met. I bet when you see me now, you’ll ask yourself, is he the Vincent that I met in college?

My college life was a bit of a drama. That was the time that I’m looking for who I really was. I tried to set things straight and tried to be somebody that I’m not. I didn’t have fond memories of college.

When I was a freshman, I’m one of the straight A students who got a full scholarship grant from a company. I passed my subjects with flying colors. During that time, I met 7 very good friends that made my first year of college unforgettable. During my sophomore year, I had a girlfriend, had my first failing grade, joined our school publication and went to Mendiola for a rally. During that year, my failures as a college student started: not only in my grades but also in life.

June came and I was a junior. More failing grades came. I was behind my classmates in terms of subjects that we have to take. Though I was one of the few who got qualified for the course but still it showed that I didn’t deserve to be there. My father also died that year. This particular event in my life triggered my gayness to sprout. I met guys through MIRC. I had casual sex with the same sex and also dated some of them.

During that year, I experienced things that I didn’t experience before. I met a group of people same as me. Went to “sex parties” and I also went partying in Malate all by myself.

My senior year came. I decided to work part-time as an academic tutor to Korean students. In which it didn’t go well. I skipped classes. I wasn’t able to attend early morning classes because I’m so tired to get up early in the morning. I failed lots of my subjects that year. It made me depressed just thinking about it.

This year, I met my “Bebe” in a bar in malate. Who would’ve though that meeting someone in a bar would end up in a three year relationship? At least sa lovelife ok.

I was really stressed that year because I was thinking that I might not able to finish my studies, which I didn’t.

It was my fifth year as a mechanical engineering student; things didn’t go out as planned. I only attended half the school year. When I was about to enroll, they didn’t let me because I don’t have a copy of my grades. So, what I did is I looked for a job and got accepted in a call center, the job that I still do at the present.

Wala naming masama kung maging bading ako di ba? Kung sa pagiging bakla, wala akong ginawang masama pero pagdating sa pag-aaral ko, doon ako may problema. Until now, I still can’t figure out why I did those things in the past. I was really clumsy and didn’t think before I do something. I’ve taken things for granted. I was in rush of being a grown up. Nowadays, I try to change things. I make sure that I don’t make the same mistakes again. Tama ba itong way of thinking?

For the next year, I’m not going to let myself end up ruining myself for not finishing my studies. I will make sure that I’ll be accepted in the UPOU. I’ll do whatever it takes. I shouldn’t be afraid of taking risks. Why am I working my ass of every single day?

I should do something as early as now. After writing this blog, a goal must be set. Ako lang ang makakatulong sa sarili ko. Wala nang iba.